my husbands hidden words

I recently found this on our computer. It didn't go to anyone, and he never mentioned writing it. I have no idea when he wrote it, however I felt compelled to share it. I hope he doesn't get upset that I'm sharing it because as I'm writing this, he doesn't even know I found it. My gut tells me he wrote it sometime within the last year after he took it to pretty hard and almost offenseful when someone said "I know your job is stressful, but...."

Every 3rd day, this is Jason's life:

I Wish


I Wish you could comprehend a wife’s horror at 6 o’clock in the morning as I check her husband of forty years for a pulse, and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, but knowing intuitively that it is too late. I do it though, wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to save his life.

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces the death of a beautiful five-year old girl that I spent the last twenty-five minutes trying to save. The girl who will never go on her first date, or ever again tell her mommy “I Love you”.

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate the lifeless body of a teen-age boy from the remains of his crumpled car. What if this was my son, my brother, or my friend? What will be his parents’ reaction when the Police Officer knocks on the door at 2 o’clock in the morning holding his hat in hand?

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking “Is my mommy okay?” Not being able to look him in the eye without tears flowing from your own. How DO you explain the needle hanging out of a pulse-less arm?

I wish you could have the strength to hold back the long-time friend who is fighting to get in the back of the ambulance to help his dying buddy who is being given CPR, all because he wanted to drive home with “the freedom of no seat belts.”

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally and sometimes physically abuse us because we are always the first ones there. I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain; the missed meals, lost sleep and forgone family and social events. I wish you could see the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could feel the frustration I feel behind the wheel of a fifty-thousand pound fire truck; honking the air horn again and again, pushing the siren tone-change again and again, as a driver fails to yield the right-of-way at an intersection, or in traffic. Yet, when we do arrive, often the first words are: “what took you so long?”

I wish you could know how it feels to come home to my family in the morning and not having the heart to tell them that I may not have come home from that last call.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of saving a life, or preserving someone’s beloved home; of being able to be there in a time of crisis, helping to create order in a time of chaos.

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning second floor bedroom for trapped children at 3 o’clock in the morning, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning as you crawl across the floor which is sagging under the weight of your search team as the kitchen below you freely burns.
I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, or conduit; the taste of soot filled mucous, the feeling of being boiled like a lobster inside your turnout gear. I wish you could hear the crackling of flames as they burn the timber that supports the roof above you; the loneliness of crawling into a black-smoke so thick you can’t see the floor four inches from your face; the feelings that you know no one should ever have to feel.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a fire. What type of building is it? Are there any occupants? Where is the closest hydrant? What are the immediate hazards? Which way is the wind blowing? Do I need more resources? What is the weather? Is there enough fire involvement to go defensive? The list goes on…….

Unless you have been in our shoes, you will never know what it feels like to be a firefighter; to understand me, appreciate who I am or what my job means to me. But until then…………………… I wish.

After nights like these, he goes to his 2nd job as if nothing ever happened because he doesn't have a choice. Firefighters do not get paid much more than minimum wage to 12/hr. He comes home from a 24 hour shift, and then an additional 12 hour day of physical labor (with no sleep might I add) and then sometimes I have enough nerve to nag. I'm ashamed of myself!

God Bless my husband. I pray that he can find compassion in his heart for the people that oppress him and his brothers. What an impossible task. I'M SO GLAD I FOUND THIS.
I love you, Jason.

just had a minute chat here...

Let me tell ya, 43 degrees with a 20 mile an hour north wind feels like 20 degrees. For mid-April, it's just been so darn cold here. We are under a freeze warning until Monday morning. Hopefully, that will be it. Then maybe we'll get a glimspe of spring. It's a good thing I haven't planted my garden yet. I've been hesitating and I'm glad I did. Patience pays off huh? Maybe this just means summer will last until October and Fall will last until December? Wishful thinking I know. But who wouldn't wish that after going on an 8th month of winter. Sheesh. I'm pretty sure I'm going to shrivel up if some kind of warmth doesn't show up sometime soon.

So, it's for sure....come June 1st, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom. I keep telling my daughter "when summer time comes and it's warm enough to swim, I won't have to go to work anymore." (It's my response to her when she asks when do I not have to work anymore.) But I think she's got it backwards. She keeps saying "mommy, if you just stop working now, then it will be summer time." Oh baby, if only it were that easy. Her little 3 year-old mind is so precious. We went to see my grandmother last weekend and came back with an entire trashbag of more (you mean, there's more?) dress-up clothes handed down from a cousin. River was in heaven. It's as almost as if her entire world depends on when she can get dressed up. But I'm talking about the whole gammot (is that how you spell it?). Everyday when we get home, in 2 minutes flat she's taken off her clothes, put on the frilliest, laciest dress, white pearls, white gloves, high-heel strap-on sandals, a purse (full of everything any typical woman would have in her purse) and for the finishing touch adds a little sparkle lip-gloss. well, maybe more than just "a little." I'll have to get a picture. She's perfected this outfit in just one week. When she walks around the house dressed like this, it reminds me of some commercial photo you've seen in an advertisement or something of a little girl playing dress-up. She's my own little walking angel! But heaven forbid the time come at night when it's time to get UNdressed. She mopes around and slowly, but with an attitude, starts taking off piece by piece and says with a slow tone and seriously sad frown "I'm not a lady anymore." If only I could stop her growth. If only I could keep her 3 forever. I told her that one time. I said "oh please don't grow up anymore! I don't want you to grow up! Can't you just stay 3 forever?" Then she said very happily "You can't stop me!" dang it! This mom thing just keeps breakin' my heart.

Jason and I had a date night last night and she spent the night with her Mimi. That's J's mom. Riverlyn called me while on our date and asked if she could spend the night. Her little voice on the other end of the phone sounds so grown-up. So everytime we get this type of opportunity we think "oh boy, we can do something! No kids!" or "Time together! Yeah!" And this is what happens: we got our appetizer, talked about what we were going to do for the night, then we got our salads, talked some more, Then we ate the rest of the loaf of bread they bring you with all the good dippin's, talked some more. Then our meals came, took 2 bites, then asked for a box because we were so full we needed dolly's just to get out of the restaurant. Then when we got to the car we figured we'd just go home since we were too miserably full to do anything else. Yup, that's how our date goes! However, it was nice to leisurely make it home, not "tend" to anything, be as loud as I want whenever I want and then this morning I got to wake up and do what I'm doing right now. I guess we did do something productive last night. We got Jason's Crosswoods business for '08 in order. After tax time is always a good time to re-vamp and re-organize. So, that's our date night. And we enjoyed every minute of it. So, I'm going to go now, and re-fill my coffee, and then I'm going to stare outside for a little bit before getting in the shower and getting River from her Mimi's house. Maybe if I catch some sunshine now it will sustain me until spring gets here. Maybe spring will show up sometime around May or something. Later ya'll.

so you like it? Cammie created it, cute huh?

I know I haven't posted in a few days. I'm still alive. I've just been having a pity party lately for those of you who care. Every day, for the last "forever" I keep thinking that one day life will "get back to normal." But then I remember "oh yeah, it never was normal." So, I'll figure a way out of my funk. I need to stop worrying about everyone else's personal issues and worry about my own happiness. It's scary to think about certain situations and how exactly I am going to "get happy." So pray for me if you want to. If you don't care, I don't blame you. Have a nice frickin' day.

Ask and You Shall Receive

During the last few months I've really been struggling with confrontation. I've always been the type of person who doesn't want to put anyone on the spot or make them feel uncomfortable when they're wrong. I hate confronting someone even when I'm done wrong. It's so much easier to be walked on, talked down to and just "agree" even when it isn't right. I've always been a little reserved when it comes to telling people my true feelings and I've never stood up for myself when I need to. I'd rather just look down and go with the flow. However, at 28 years old it has been wearing on my badly. Several months ago I broke down in front of my counselor about things I couldn't take anymore. I'd been raised up by my parents in a way that taught me to always be respectful of other people's feelings and always have manners (thank you God). I took it to the extreme. Being the introvert I am, I went over board for so long on never wanting to disrespect, backtalk or confront anyone. My counselor (who is a wonderful Christian woman) told me that as long as I'm truthful and polite, there are ways to not let people walk on you, whether they intended to or not. Back to the whole "you can't have grace without truth, nor truth without grace" thing. So I started praying that God would give me courage to speak up at the right times, and I prayed diligently that when the times come that I feel a certain way or someone over steps their boundaries with me that I can truthfully and biblically stand up for myself. And let me tell ya, the tests have been rolling in. In more ways than I was prepared for. In the past, I would allow someone to do something or say something and think to myself "that wasn't right" or "that's not okay" or "they really just crossed the line" and then hold all those feelings inside and harbor them to the point where it turns into anger and hostility. I asked the Lord to help me and He's provided many ways for me to practice. I was NOT that ready. However, I don't have a choice now but to stand up to the plate. When someone is rude to me I will stand up and confront them. I'm proud of myself. The funny thing about all this is most people DO NOT take into account their own actions or words towards someone else. They say what they want about anything and anyone. They act how they want in any manner in any place and never once does it cross their mind that they may be out of line. They never think twice about questioning me, calling me out, trying to prove me wrong or say whatever they need to say to me whether it comes out rudely, bluntly, disrespectfully; but they sure don't like it when I do it in return. So, I will continue to try to be as open as everyone else, even if it hurts their feelings. They never cared about mine in the first place, right?
These days the world is so full of people walking around calling themselves christians, bible thumping, quoting bible verses, attending their bible studies, and since they don't cuss, drink or smoke they see themselves as perfect. People like this actually have said to me that they are "near perfect and always right." I guess they overlooked the part in the bible about being humble, love one another, don't mock other people, don't be arrogant, don't judge. I feel so awfully sorry for them.
I have been wronged (in a major way) by several different people the last few weeks, (and I'm not asking for a pity party, no "woe is me" here, and don't give me your sympathy, I'm a big girl) and I never judged them for what they did to me either. However, with my newfound boldness, I confronted them. Being the "christians" they are I guess subconsiencely (sp?) expected an apology. Struggling with the fact that, IF they came to me and apologized, then we'd have to "confront" the issue at hand...and that made me go back to the "afraid of confrontation" feeling. So I opened my bible and found LUKE 17 where it talks about forgiving someone...it says if someone sins against you 7 times in a day and 7 times come to you and says "I repent, forgive me" then you need to forgive them. And that was my answer. No matter what they "wronged" me with and no matter how many times they did it over and over again I have to forgive them. So I said "okay, Lord, I will forgive them."
The funniest part of this (and ironically enough, what I should have totally expected): THEY NEVER WERE SORRY OR APOLOGIZED. Nice, huh? But they'll be sure to be seen at church on Sunday.
It's too bad that people like that broadcast their christianity, it makes them look awfully pitiful to wordly people who don't truly know Christ. It may hinder the ability to lead them to Christ. No one is perfect. We can't be because we are HUMAN. But that's the point I'm trying to make. JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT GOD HIMSELF. HUMBLE THYSELF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No comments on this one please, this is my blog and this is what it's here for. If you have my e-mail, then e-mail me.

skinnin' a cat part II

I finally got the picture I wanted uploaded. I wonder if this channel cat knew she'd be so famous. Again, my disclaimer: weak stomachs turn back now. Remember, I'm posting these pictures purely for shock value that even a pregnant woman knows how to take care of business.

Awww...look at that face. Almost a flathead.

WEAK STOMACH'S TURN BACK NOW!!!!!!!!

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!!!!!!!

34 degrees, cold, rain the night before and two desperate mother's dying to get away makes for great fishin' trip. Janae (6 1/2 months pregnant) and I went fishin on Saturday. I was going to give all the details, however Janae already gave them in the most wonderful form so I dare not try to re-create it. It was cold, the Hickory river (1 mile from my house ) was flowing, and God's wonderful creation and beauty was all around us. As you will notice, there are no pictures of me.....because I didn't catch anything but a clutter of twigs. So, therefore I got no braggin' rights, OR picture rights! Just the rights to take the pictures! We went through a whole lot of turkey liver and the only thing caught was her channel cat. It was big enough for her to cut off a 1/4 of a fillet for me, which is enough to make a great meal for two! Thanks Janae! Here's Nae's post of her account of our weekend. My favorite part (other than Nae sporting her pregnant belly while holding her 2 ft long territorial channel cat) was her description of our drive and hike down to the river. I wouldn't have had my Saturday any other way! I'm totally bummed b/c I can't find my plug to get the pictures off of my camera to the computer, so here's the pics I got from on Janae's camera...and like it says above THOSE WITH WEAK STOMACH'S SHOULD TURN BACK NOW!!

Nae's biggest catfish caught on a pole on the Hickory River on March 15th:

Nae's post:

Sunday, March 16, 2008
skinnin a cat
Okay, Iʼm warning you!!!! It is solely at your discretion. Iʼm in no way forcing you to read this.Do Not Scroll down if you are inclined to the citified way of thinking and living. The images may be disturbing to some viewers....especially you Karen!!!! :-)Me and a friend went fishing yesterday. When I pulled up in her long drive it was noon and 37 degrees out. While we were eating our packed sandwiches the sun thankfully came out! It however, did not raise the temperature. To get to this particular fishing spot on Hickory creek itʼs a short drive across two pastures, through three gates, and through the wooded area that is alongside the creek. After scouting out the creek for about an 1/8th mile, we decided on a little rock bar that jutted out slightly into the creek. On the bankside of this rock bar a giant tree had fallen out across the bar and into the creek. With the tree to our backs we had a nice windbreak. The sun was strong enough that I am still feeling the heat all over my face. I definitely got some color and on March 15th! So this rock bar and fallen tree created a nice small oxbow of calm water. We could easily cast against the bank on our side of the creek into the oxbow or using a heavy weight we could cast on the other side of the creek below the bank. We were hoping to land our liver in front of a catfish den in the side of the bank! After about 15 minutes of our bait hitting the water both of our livers were stripped from our hooks. So we reeled in and baited up again. Plunking the liver back in the water, mine up against the bank on the north, only about 15 feet in front of me, and hers up against the far bank in another small area of backwater. Within a minute I had a tug. Then a couple more. My drag was messed up so it made it a little tricky to pull in a mad fightinʼ son of a catfish, but letting her play it out a little I pulled in to the shallowest part of the pool, grabbed my leader and hauled her onto the bank! She was a nice one for a small creek and a pole with a messed up drag! Actually, the biggest cat Iʼve caught on a pole. This is small when compared with the ones we catch on the trot and limb lines. But she works for me!Lest you think I have put on some weight....You are right! 23 lbs to be exact! Thatʼs what 6 1/2 months of pregnancy will do to ya!!And hereʼs a picture with the exact place she sealed her fate at in the background except it was a little to the left.Now, sheʼs not huge by any means but there is enough meat on her to have a good little fish fry. So, sorry for all you city slickers, animal rights activists and vegans, but you gotta eat to live! And I choose MEAT!! Thatʼs right, whether it comes from saltwater, fresh water, pature or tundra, I LOVE meat. My last and final warning is now! If you are faint at heart, canʼt stand the sight, smell, or feel of hamburger meat, or even if your dogʼs breath makes you wanna hurl you better turn back NOW!!! FAST!!!There are many many different methods of getting the meat to your freezer so those of you that know what is going on and havenʼt ran to the toilet, just keep your comments to yourself okay? Iʼm not asking for culinary advice!! Geesh! Donʼt get your panties in a bunch b/c I didnʼt use the right cut! Itʼll all turn out okay in the end!! And youʼll be callinʼ me up wantinʼ to know when you can come over for the fry! Yeah, you will, b/c I think this is the first river trip of the season.....and itʼs eatinʼ at all of us to get on the river!In order to get to the meat you have to take the skin off! A rope, filet knife and a pair of vise grips will do the trick. Oh, and clothes that you donʼt mind being splattered with blood b/c I wouldnʼt hang there without squirming if someone was skinnin me alive either!!!Then youʼve got to make your initial cut Carefully now soʼs not to empty her contents even more, you can remove the stomach and entrails. After that, I locate the back bone and start cuttin the meat off. Rinse the meat in cool clean water (or whatever you have) and fry it up or put in a freezer bag and save it for another time! Nothin you buy in the store is as good and tasty, antibiotic/growth hormone-free as this is!!!

ALL FISH, ALL BELLY!!!
Look how thick that yummy fillet is!
And the finished product. (And this doesn't show the part she gave me. When a friend gives you a 1/4 fillet off her channel cat, you know she's a true friend!)

(so I took this pic in oklahoma in december, however it reflects my last 3 days....)

And i love Jesus, because he loves me.

And I love my mommy and daddy too...

i listen to Jesus when i pray...

my mommy and daddy love me a lot lot lot lot

and she's my bestest freind in all the world.

and one day we'll go up to heaven and see Him...

This is the song my daughter made up as she went along with each line as we were driving home tonight. How sweet. There's a whole lot more about Jesus being in her heart and how much she loves everybody and everybody loves her, I just can't remember because her song (all improv) went on for like 20 minutes to the same tune. When I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror as we drove along she caught me watching her and she said "Hey! Don't watch me!" I told her that it was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard and she responded with "well, I'm not done yet!" (with her eyebrows frowning....she doesn't like to be caught in the act.) It's times like this I look back and thank God for letting me have parents who brought me up in the Bible. It's times like this I know God hears me at night when I pray that my daughter understands God's place in her life and Jesus' place in her heart. It's times like this that makes all the stressful days x'd out of life. I know there will be more irritable moments, stressful days and days where all we do is race the clock, but these innocent words from her innocent heart make it all okay.

It's also times like this when I know that since Christ's Love is instilled in her heart she'll always make it back to Him, even when she may be led astray. I'll continue to pray her innocent heart.

On another note...Lately, the Lord has been working on me and every day I can feel it so. I feel my heart churning, I feel a peace that He's been working on giving me for quite some time now. It's a yearning I can not explain, if you've had it you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't had it then I only hope that one day you will.

Content. Promised. Yet Poor!

Well, poor maybe by the world's ways!

Peaceful. Faithful, I Have everything I need!

(but not good enough for most people these days!

If I had a million dollars or even more,

I would still, every morning, walk out the same door,

Watching God's amazing plan unfold before my eyes,

He's watching me and what I do with His possessions, I've realized.

I watch Him provide what He wants for those who need.

I'm content and happy with what I have, because I can see what the rich don't need,

So my Heavenly Father, continue to show me the things I don't really need,

and continue to help me have the faith that you will provide those of which I do need.

I feel content, promised, peaceful, full of faith and uplifted.

If this is how it feels when you give, I'll give all I have.

If this is how it feels when you are given to, I'll keep giving all I have.

If this is how it feels when the world thinks you are poor, I'll still keep walking out the same door Just remember, those who look down on you are really the poor.

This weekend we went down the road and met some neighbors who have some land on the Hickory River. Good 'ole country family. they have 440 acres of the most beautiful land I've ever seen....Yup, here in Kansas. They took us for a walk over alot of it and down the river. We talked alot and they really are amzing people. They love their life, they love their family. Their house was a typical farmhouse, they had a couple barns, a stone wall, crop feild and some tractors. They had a couple overgrown farm-fed dogs who kept taking a dip in the pond while their grandson was casting his fishingpole. My 3 year old was dying to go fishing with him. We had my stepdaughter (8 yrs) with us and when we got to their driveway you could see their clothes hanging on the clothesline to dry out in back. She saw the clothes and said as loud as she could with a very sorrowful look (as if she felt really sorry for them) "They don't have a washer and dryer?!?" I quickly let her know that we don't broadcast that, and chances are they probably have one, they just chose to hang their clothes out to dry because it was a beautiful day. Their white house wasn't power-washed and they had mud on their vehicles. Their dogs were wet and shaggy and their porch swing creaked. They had a rock pathway to the porch that they'd probably laid themselves and they were surrounded with their son and his family that he'd adopted shortly after returning from Iraq. As we left their house that afternoon, I told them thank you for letting us walk around thier place and Mr. Winzer said "You need to thank God for today, not me." I can only pray that one day, I have their contentment and peace and thankfulness. Thank you Lord for a great weekend.

Jason is going to kill me! Haha! pucker up Hannah Montana, Jason's got the best of both worlds!

So, my bible study group just finished a study on a book titled " Living Each Day in the Name of Jesus. Living each day as if Christ Himself were right there with you as a human, as the being he was 2000 years ago; or, living life in HIS NAME. As each chapter touched on Grace, Giving, Gifts, Scripture, Spiritual Life, (and more), it was the last chapter that really put me in my place. The fruits of the spirit and Galations 5. I've always had the fruits that most people have trouble with and have always lacked in the fruits that most people seem to do fine with. In this last session, i sat down and really examined everything. I even (awfully) found myself automatically thinking of people in my life or people that i know who had certain fruits and lacked others. Which will bring me to my next point, i'll get to it later. Here are the fruits and my own personal definitions for each one:
LOVE: wanting, desiring all happiness and goodness for another, no matter what.
JOY: having the fruits of the spirit create joy - internal warmth / happiness
(interesting how Love and Joy are mentioned first of all of them, Love being the greatest of all, and Joy being only possible when all the fruits are present...)
PEACE: being able to trust in God without reservation and truly feeling HIM take over a situation.
PATIENCE: being able to wait even when you are in an incredibly uncomfortable situation or a selfish situation....it's a virtue, and it's not okay in God's eyes to accept yourself as impatient.
KINDNESS: doing nice things from the heart, even when it's hard or uncomfortable.
GOODNESS: always doing "the next right thing" (thanks Dad for that one!)
FAITHFULNESS: never steering away from your loyalty, even when you're blinded.
GENTLENESS: being considerate of another persons emotions or situation while dealing with them or consoling them; being able to make a person feel comfortable. Gentleness must accompany truth. People who have this fruit seem to be peace-makers (at least most of the people I know!)
SELF-CONTROL: being able to say no to the things that tempt you.
None of these can be in your heart if you don't have love! The greatest of these is love. God commands us to love. The bottom line is that, if you have a heart full of the LOVE OF GOD, then chances are you have most of the fruits. Obviously no one is perfect, and everyone has to stand back and examine their ownself and see which ones that are least evident in their life....we're human, it happens. But with God's LOVE, you CAN have all these.
I feel God working on me which is starting to create that peace within - I just keep praying for more love and more joy. The points that really made a mark on my heart from this study over the last couple months are these (my translation of what I read in the book mentioned above by Ortberg, Pederson and Poling):
~God isn't interested in a spiritual life. He's interested in your life. (my interpretation: Christians put all their eggs in the basket of "what actions am i supposed to be taking as a Christian?" instead of asking themselves "am I "doing life" in Jesus' name?" Let God have control of your life, and then you'll more than likely have a great spiritual life.
~We extend God's grace each time we behave kindly and generously to others - when we pray for them, NOTICE THEM, forgive them, serve them, include them - when we do this, we can experience an UNFORCED fruitfulness. The hard part about grace, is that sometimes we have to accept it from others! That leads to humility though.....
~Read, meditate on scripture, have solitude and prayer time and this is the painless training that will guide your spiritual life.
~Grace and Truth must both be present, one NOT without the other, to have Godly group life or community - each person must accept each individual regardless of falls and shortcomings and lovingly and truthfully guide them.
~Spiritual gifts are the absolute necessity for life and health of a church; when the church has these then it can build a community on servanthood. HUMILITY IS GOD'S MOST TREASURED VIRTUE.
~Whatever your treasure is, is where your heart will be. When you get close to a man's treasure, you've gotten as close as you can get to his soul. Treasure what God treasures, He trusts us with his resources!
And here are 2 things I've heard from 2 different ladies so I don't take the credit, however they are 2 of the most eye opening, profound, and self-examining phrases I've ever heard:
"When I look up at God, I'm not looking down on others."
and,
"If you are not building someone up, you are tearing them down."
See? Profound huh?
so, this was a great way for me to conclude my last two months. God is working on me so!
something else I found interesting, and i challenge you to do this: First read the Corinthians 13 and replace "Jesus" for "Love". nice huh?
then go through and replace "your name" for "love".....ouch, hurts a little doesn't it?
Then, go through fill in the blanks in this question, then answer all your questions.
"WHO DO I NEED MORE (fruit of the spirit here) WITH/FOR?
A lady in my bible study mentioned this excercise. What's really cool, is that she's the lady who will eventually be my daughter's principal! Praise God!

The HUNTRESS

It's Feb. 26. All I can think about is hunting season. I've come to realization that I am truly, 100%, sinfully obsessed with this. All I can feel right now is the bow in my hand. I'm dying to get out there. I want to get one....a big one. I missed her last year, and never saw bucky b/c i got "caught" by a hunter who had been leasing the land i was hunting on. It wasn't my fault but a miscommunication from the land owner. Anyhow, my season was cut short with that and then a crazy move to a new house.
I've been searching the internet day and night reading up on bowfishing....Yes, bowfishing. I love to fish, and I love to bowhunt, so how cool would it be to bowfish. I'm dying to do this. I haven't talked to my husband yet but I think i'm going to ask him to go sometime soon. We'll have to get a freinds boat. To do this, you have to completely rig up your bow with a fishing line, reel, and fishing aarows. Not to mention all the hunting/fishing legalities/licsenses, depending on where you go....but we are going to Colorado in June! I know we could get some good bowfishing in there! I have a feeling not one person reading this will ever click on this http://www.womenbowhunters.us but if you do you'll laugh first...then you might find something interesting to browse around at. You guys can then see just how obsessed I am, that go to sights like that hehehehehehehe.
WHY do i love this so much? There's no other feeling like it when i hold my bow in my hand. I think it's the adrenaline rush you get when you see one under you. "One" being a deer, coyote, fish, whatever. I think my "LIFETIME GOAL" is to hunt everything huntable (well, legally that is...) Obviously i won't go picking off humans; but too bad i couldn't be a professional sniper. that's alright. The government just hasn't discovered me yet. If they had I wouldn't be writing this that's for sure. I'd be going after the latest "hit" on the top of their list.
HA HA!
Seriously, I think i'm gonna have to set up a spring Turkey hunt just to get out some frustration. I'm going mad here. I can't wait 8 months.