During the last few months I've really been struggling with confrontation. I've always been the type of person who doesn't want to put anyone on the spot or make them feel uncomfortable when they're wrong. I hate confronting someone even when I'm done wrong. It's so much easier to be walked on, talked down to and just "agree" even when it isn't right. I've always been a little reserved when it comes to telling people my true feelings and I've never stood up for myself when I need to. I'd rather just look down and go with the flow. However, at 28 years old it has been wearing on my badly. Several months ago I broke down in front of my counselor about things I couldn't take anymore. I'd been raised up by my parents in a way that taught me to always be respectful of other people's feelings and always have manners (thank you God). I took it to the extreme. Being the introvert I am, I went over board for so long on never wanting to disrespect, backtalk or confront anyone. My counselor (who is a wonderful Christian woman) told me that as long as I'm truthful and polite, there are ways to not let people walk on you, whether they intended to or not. Back to the whole "you can't have grace without truth, nor truth without grace" thing. So I started praying that God would give me courage to speak up at the right times, and I prayed diligently that when the times come that I feel a certain way or someone over steps their boundaries with me that I can truthfully and biblically stand up for myself. And let me tell ya, the tests have been rolling in. In more ways than I was prepared for. In the past, I would allow someone to do something or say something and think to myself "that wasn't right" or "that's not okay" or "they really just crossed the line" and then hold all those feelings inside and harbor them to the point where it turns into anger and hostility. I asked the Lord to help me and He's provided many ways for me to practice. I was NOT that ready. However, I don't have a choice now but to stand up to the plate. When someone is rude to me I will stand up and confront them. I'm proud of myself. The funny thing about all this is most people DO NOT take into account their own actions or words towards someone else. They say what they want about anything and anyone. They act how they want in any manner in any place and never once does it cross their mind that they may be out of line. They never think twice about questioning me, calling me out, trying to prove me wrong or say whatever they need to say to me whether it comes out rudely, bluntly, disrespectfully; but they sure don't like it when I do it in return. So, I will continue to try to be as open as everyone else, even if it hurts their feelings. They never cared about mine in the first place, right?
These days the world is so full of people walking around calling themselves christians, bible thumping, quoting bible verses, attending their bible studies, and since they don't cuss, drink or smoke they see themselves as perfect. People like this actually have said to me that they are "near perfect and always right." I guess they overlooked the part in the bible about being humble, love one another, don't mock other people, don't be arrogant, don't judge. I feel so awfully sorry for them.
I have been wronged (in a major way) by several different people the last few weeks, (and I'm not asking for a pity party, no "woe is me" here, and don't give me your sympathy, I'm a big girl) and I never judged them for what they did to me either. However, with my newfound boldness, I confronted them. Being the "christians" they are I guess subconsiencely (sp?) expected an apology. Struggling with the fact that, IF they came to me and apologized, then we'd have to "confront" the issue at hand...and that made me go back to the "afraid of confrontation" feeling. So I opened my bible and found LUKE 17 where it talks about forgiving someone...it says if someone sins against you 7 times in a day and 7 times come to you and says "I repent, forgive me" then you need to forgive them. And that was my answer. No matter what they "wronged" me with and no matter how many times they did it over and over again I have to forgive them. So I said "okay, Lord, I will forgive them."
The funniest part of this (and ironically enough, what I should have totally expected): THEY NEVER WERE SORRY OR APOLOGIZED. Nice, huh? But they'll be sure to be seen at church on Sunday.
It's too bad that people like that broadcast their christianity, it makes them look awfully pitiful to wordly people who don't truly know Christ. It may hinder the ability to lead them to Christ. No one is perfect. We can't be because we are HUMAN. But that's the point I'm trying to make. JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT GOD HIMSELF. HUMBLE THYSELF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments on this one please, this is my blog and this is what it's here for. If you have my e-mail, then e-mail me.
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