Please Father, pick me up again
my spirits scraped
my mind bitten into
Please Father, hold me again
against Your breast
my heart pounds in fright, beating my own chest
Please Father, forgive me
i've failed you once again
Temptation repeatedly overcame my thoughts
Thank you Father, again
for cleansing my wounds,
for filling my soul,
for making me whole,
Again.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Wanted by the OCC driver - YESSSS
Ha! So, if you don't know who the OCC boys are check out their website, or just watch TLC's show American Chopper. Paul Sr, Paul Jr., and the weird brother Mikey, aka "The Teutal's" (pronounced Tuttle's) build custom bikes for a living and are pretty famous for some of their work. They did an awesome bike for FDNY in memory of 9-11, they've built a bike for Jay Leno, and many many others. Check out their website: www.orangecountychoppers.com. They do some really really amazing art work. They also are big supporters of the fire department. They incorporate "elements" of whatever theme their doing on a bike. On their website, click on the link to the "on-air theme bikes" to see the fire bike...it's amazing. They even used peices of the debri from the WTC destruction on the bike.
Anyhow, they've built a bike for a company here in Wichita and presented it at the fire station and had a big hoopla event over the whole deal and that gave me an excuse to go see someone famous....HOWEVER, they didn't show up until after I had to get back to work. Bummer. BUT the guy who drives their truck around the country with all their bikes (b/c obviously he can't fly them in an airplane...) was there. And he was trying to hit on me. He was your typical New Yorker, but also your typical truck driver with a big 'ol belly hangin' down. What was funny was I was standing next to Jason and I don't think he caught on until after the fact but at least J thought it was funny. This guy (who stuck his hand out to me and introduced himself while looking me up and down) asked me about the hotels around here. Then Jason just said "oh, my wife I recently stayed at Hotel at Oldtown" (while pointing at me). Then Mr. OCC truckdriver man realized that he was talking to a married woman and quietly but swiftly made his way to another conversation with someone else...I found this as my "5 minutes of fame" although, there was no fame, and it might not be very funny, but it was to me! Anyhow, check out the website to appreciate some really intense artwork, they hand craft every curve, every cutout of every inch of every bike. And then there's the guy who air brushes it who doesn't get near enough recognition. Pretty neat.
Anyhow, they've built a bike for a company here in Wichita and presented it at the fire station and had a big hoopla event over the whole deal and that gave me an excuse to go see someone famous....HOWEVER, they didn't show up until after I had to get back to work. Bummer. BUT the guy who drives their truck around the country with all their bikes (b/c obviously he can't fly them in an airplane...) was there. And he was trying to hit on me. He was your typical New Yorker, but also your typical truck driver with a big 'ol belly hangin' down. What was funny was I was standing next to Jason and I don't think he caught on until after the fact but at least J thought it was funny. This guy (who stuck his hand out to me and introduced himself while looking me up and down) asked me about the hotels around here. Then Jason just said "oh, my wife I recently stayed at Hotel at Oldtown" (while pointing at me). Then Mr. OCC truckdriver man realized that he was talking to a married woman and quietly but swiftly made his way to another conversation with someone else...I found this as my "5 minutes of fame" although, there was no fame, and it might not be very funny, but it was to me! Anyhow, check out the website to appreciate some really intense artwork, they hand craft every curve, every cutout of every inch of every bike. And then there's the guy who air brushes it who doesn't get near enough recognition. Pretty neat.
Friday, February 1, 2008
I LIFT MY HANDS IN PRAISE TO THE LORD
This morning I got up, went to the kitchen in the dark, and started to get the coffee pot ready for my morning cup o' joe. I turned on the faucet and...nothing. I turned it off again, thinking I must be dreaming. I turned the faucet back on again. Nothing. I ran to the bathroom and turned on the faucet there. Nothing. I ran through the house to the other bathroom and tried that one. Nothing.
Instantly my mind went racing. It had been 3 degrees overnight. A pipe had probably froze and busted. I thought "We've been in our for one month now and already we've pulled up sub-flooring, rebuilt the sub-floors, replaced the floors, replaced, taped and mudded and sanded sheetrock under every window and repainted every wall in the house. (Not to mention completely knocked down and rebuilt a wall separating the laundy room from the living room.) The hot water heater went out and had to be replaced. Jason's truck had been in the shop twice already. Now this?!?!"
All this in the middle of winter, and if you are around Kansas you know how our winter has been, cold, wet frozen solid and wind chills that bite your bones. I just could not handle this right now.
At this point I told my daughter that I needed her to go do something fun in her bedroom or just be quiet for awhile because I needed to pray for awhile. I needed to get on my knees and get with God. She said "please can we play mommy?" It broke my heart but I told her "mommy needs to talk to God for awhile honey. You can come with me and pray with me if you'd like, but I have to do this now."
So she sat on the floor and I began to pray. And pray, and pray and pray. I thanked God for things I DID have. I thanked him for things we take for granted. I thanked him for a roof over my head and food in the kitchen. I thanked him that my husband was on his way home from the firestation alive. I thanked him that my daughter, or anyone else in our family didn't have a terminal illness. I thanked him for my vehicle in the garage. AND I thanked him for the fact that my only problem was a busted water pipe. It could be alot worse. A family in our area has 4 children and the mother is 9 months pregnant and their house burned to the ground last week. I thanked God I had a home, and that I had clothes to put on. I thank him for the job I would be going to on Monday. We are not worthy of any of these things. God's grace allows us to have these things. We live detestful lives and he still provides these things for us. He still grants us His Mercy! To God be the Glory! Praise Him for what He HAS done for you!
Who are we to think we deserve a home, a car, health, freinds, and all the other necessities in life we should be refering to as BLESSINGS?
In the midst of my prayer I began to weep. The tears started welling up. My lip started quivering and that's when I told God that there was no financial way we could repair this. I told God that I trusted Him that He would provide for us...however, I know what's in the bank right now. I know that we've exhausted our resources in the other emergencies. Winter time is hard for us because Jason's fire dept. pay is nothing. (Firefighters get paid approximately a little over minimum wage to put their lives on the line, run into burning buildings, extricate mutilated bodies out of smashed vehicles, etc. That's why they do it... for the love of what they do.) Jason's 2nd job is lawn and landscaping which brings in the bread and butter. And obviously he's not mowing in 2 feet snow right now. things are tight to say the least. So as my prayers continued and my sobbing became obvious to my daughter, she came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed me and said "mommy, can you hear God now?"
God spoke to my heart and I had a peace. What was I alone going to do about broken pipes other than deal with it? thankfully I have family around for showering right? Anyhow, Jason got home this morning with a kerosene heater and started heating up underneath the house to "unfreeze" anything frozen so we could start in on whatever it was going to take to get this figured out. After about an hour all of a sudden, the water just started running out of the faucet! After all the phone calls to plumbers, the water company, the turning off and on of the water to the house, the water flat out just "came back on."
God heard me this morning. Why he answered my prayers I don't know, I don't deserve it. BUT HOW THANKFUL I AM!! It's a complete miracle! Things don't just happen like that unless it's a GOD thing.
thank you Lord.
Instantly my mind went racing. It had been 3 degrees overnight. A pipe had probably froze and busted. I thought "We've been in our for one month now and already we've pulled up sub-flooring, rebuilt the sub-floors, replaced the floors, replaced, taped and mudded and sanded sheetrock under every window and repainted every wall in the house. (Not to mention completely knocked down and rebuilt a wall separating the laundy room from the living room.) The hot water heater went out and had to be replaced. Jason's truck had been in the shop twice already. Now this?!?!"
All this in the middle of winter, and if you are around Kansas you know how our winter has been, cold, wet frozen solid and wind chills that bite your bones. I just could not handle this right now.
At this point I told my daughter that I needed her to go do something fun in her bedroom or just be quiet for awhile because I needed to pray for awhile. I needed to get on my knees and get with God. She said "please can we play mommy?" It broke my heart but I told her "mommy needs to talk to God for awhile honey. You can come with me and pray with me if you'd like, but I have to do this now."
So she sat on the floor and I began to pray. And pray, and pray and pray. I thanked God for things I DID have. I thanked him for things we take for granted. I thanked him for a roof over my head and food in the kitchen. I thanked him that my husband was on his way home from the firestation alive. I thanked him that my daughter, or anyone else in our family didn't have a terminal illness. I thanked him for my vehicle in the garage. AND I thanked him for the fact that my only problem was a busted water pipe. It could be alot worse. A family in our area has 4 children and the mother is 9 months pregnant and their house burned to the ground last week. I thanked God I had a home, and that I had clothes to put on. I thank him for the job I would be going to on Monday. We are not worthy of any of these things. God's grace allows us to have these things. We live detestful lives and he still provides these things for us. He still grants us His Mercy! To God be the Glory! Praise Him for what He HAS done for you!
Who are we to think we deserve a home, a car, health, freinds, and all the other necessities in life we should be refering to as BLESSINGS?
In the midst of my prayer I began to weep. The tears started welling up. My lip started quivering and that's when I told God that there was no financial way we could repair this. I told God that I trusted Him that He would provide for us...however, I know what's in the bank right now. I know that we've exhausted our resources in the other emergencies. Winter time is hard for us because Jason's fire dept. pay is nothing. (Firefighters get paid approximately a little over minimum wage to put their lives on the line, run into burning buildings, extricate mutilated bodies out of smashed vehicles, etc. That's why they do it... for the love of what they do.) Jason's 2nd job is lawn and landscaping which brings in the bread and butter. And obviously he's not mowing in 2 feet snow right now. things are tight to say the least. So as my prayers continued and my sobbing became obvious to my daughter, she came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed me and said "mommy, can you hear God now?"
God spoke to my heart and I had a peace. What was I alone going to do about broken pipes other than deal with it? thankfully I have family around for showering right? Anyhow, Jason got home this morning with a kerosene heater and started heating up underneath the house to "unfreeze" anything frozen so we could start in on whatever it was going to take to get this figured out. After about an hour all of a sudden, the water just started running out of the faucet! After all the phone calls to plumbers, the water company, the turning off and on of the water to the house, the water flat out just "came back on."
God heard me this morning. Why he answered my prayers I don't know, I don't deserve it. BUT HOW THANKFUL I AM!! It's a complete miracle! Things don't just happen like that unless it's a GOD thing.
thank you Lord.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
"I tell you what, Cowboy....."
Riverlyn utilizing her newfound slang my father taught her is pretty darn funny. That's my girl!
And here's my other girl, Sasha:
She's got ears that can people snoring in Japan. She really is a good watch dog out here. Not only are we working on getting Riverlyn to stop sleeping in the bed with us but Sasha as well. As soon as we get them both in their own beds all night maybe we can have another baby someday!
Today is snowed. And snowed and snowed. I actually got up at 5:30 for my quiet time before getting ready for work and then realized there was no way I was going to get out of my driveway. We have about 6 inches on our deck right now so that means the snow drifts out here about 500 gazillion feet deep. Really. I got stuck in one before. Anyway, when I got up this morning (at 5:30) only to realize I wasn't going to work, then my daughter gets up. So much for quiet time. So as soon as the sun came up I went outside and got this shot:
It's a plow from way back when horses had to pull them across the crop field, it "decorates" our fence line for now. Seeing as how the weather has been wet, freezing cold, blizzardy, or just plain frozen, we haven't really had much time to some things cleaned up since moving out here. Although, I'm not sure I'm going to move this because it looks neat....and it's about 500 gazillion pounds...Really. Past the plow, isn't the view the best? I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Those of you with children can enjoy this, and those of you who don't have kids are crazy if you can't enjoy this:
Yesterday, on the way to church, we were driving our typical "through the countryside" drive and Riverlyn saw a house with storm shelter. We recently moved into the countryside and have a storm shelter since the new house doesn't have a basement. I had no idea she even knew what a storm shelter / cellar was, apparently she must have overheard us talking about them. From the back seat she piped up "Hey Daddy! We have one of those at our new house so we can go in it if the potatoes come in the storm!" We laughed all the way to church, it was so cute we didn't have the heart to correct her. I mean, she's 3 and has the vocabulary and pronouncing skills of a 6 year old. She's smart enough to let her call them potatoes until she figures it out on her own.
Yesterday, on the way to church, we were driving our typical "through the countryside" drive and Riverlyn saw a house with storm shelter. We recently moved into the countryside and have a storm shelter since the new house doesn't have a basement. I had no idea she even knew what a storm shelter / cellar was, apparently she must have overheard us talking about them. From the back seat she piped up "Hey Daddy! We have one of those at our new house so we can go in it if the potatoes come in the storm!" We laughed all the way to church, it was so cute we didn't have the heart to correct her. I mean, she's 3 and has the vocabulary and pronouncing skills of a 6 year old. She's smart enough to let her call them potatoes until she figures it out on her own.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
God's reasoning...not for us to know
My friend's mother is going through a tough trial right now, this is for her.
For Julie:
An angel face with a dripping heart
Drenched with humility
Wrapped up in humbleness
All the while fighting hostility
This angel face can’t see it now, to her it’s just Satan abusing
She’s really just a precious piece of whom the Lord is using
Confusion ripping her mind apart
Trying to find her way,
Depending on faith that’s always been there
Guiding her day by day
Prayer after prayer
she holds on,
Knowing deep down that she’s God’s.
He sees her feeling her way through the dark
A tunnel so cold, she's so alone,
Her hands slowly feel along the rough and rocky wall
Drenched with sweat of persevering hope
That all will end up well.
Rejoice! She’s the Lord’s own.
In His Time he will have shown.
He sees her feeling her way through the dark
Her heart won’t drip with sorrow and humility
Because in the end she stands with the Lord
-kendra-
Why does the Lord put us through the trials we face? And why does He put His children of utmost humbleness through the toughest trials of all? We will never know, but if we stay focused on Him and continue to trust in Him through them all then we can ask Him when we get to Heaven.
For Julie:
An angel face with a dripping heart
Drenched with humility
Wrapped up in humbleness
All the while fighting hostility
This angel face can’t see it now, to her it’s just Satan abusing
She’s really just a precious piece of whom the Lord is using
Confusion ripping her mind apart
Trying to find her way,
Depending on faith that’s always been there
Guiding her day by day
Prayer after prayer
she holds on,
Knowing deep down that she’s God’s.
He sees her feeling her way through the dark
A tunnel so cold, she's so alone,
Her hands slowly feel along the rough and rocky wall
Drenched with sweat of persevering hope
That all will end up well.
Rejoice! She’s the Lord’s own.
In His Time he will have shown.
He sees her feeling her way through the dark
Her heart won’t drip with sorrow and humility
Because in the end she stands with the Lord
-kendra-
Why does the Lord put us through the trials we face? And why does He put His children of utmost humbleness through the toughest trials of all? We will never know, but if we stay focused on Him and continue to trust in Him through them all then we can ask Him when we get to Heaven.
in my darker days....
http://poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P4947110&BN=999&PN=1
I actually got this published. I brought it out again the other day and read it, it had been awhile. It's amazing how the emotion of the words flood back into your heart. I read it now and all the emotion and hurt I had inside of me is overwhelming. Praise God for His Grace and Redemption. I'm sure you all will see many more poems I have from my darker days. It's more of a "shedding" thing for me to be able to get it out there. Maybe then I can just let it all go instead of harboring them.
I actually got this published. I brought it out again the other day and read it, it had been awhile. It's amazing how the emotion of the words flood back into your heart. I read it now and all the emotion and hurt I had inside of me is overwhelming. Praise God for His Grace and Redemption. I'm sure you all will see many more poems I have from my darker days. It's more of a "shedding" thing for me to be able to get it out there. Maybe then I can just let it all go instead of harboring them.
Friday, January 11, 2008
A late night heartfelt....
Whatever makes my husband and I click has really been workin' lately. 4 1/2 years of ups and downs, a daughter and whole lotta faith made me write this for him:
Hey, Hey baby
my sweet love,
my special one sent from above,
I's just wantin' you to know,
God planted a seed and it's beginning to grow
now my heart has overflown
with what the Lord has shown,
through the streets of heaven it's already known,
can you feel, can you hear,
my heart beating, ringing, stinging clear
another song about an answered prayer
I asked for you,
and you are there
Praise my God for my sweet sweet love
my baby sent from above
so....I's just wantin' you to know.
Kendra Loves Jason
Hey, Hey baby
my sweet love,
my special one sent from above,
I's just wantin' you to know,
God planted a seed and it's beginning to grow
now my heart has overflown
with what the Lord has shown,
through the streets of heaven it's already known,
can you feel, can you hear,
my heart beating, ringing, stinging clear
another song about an answered prayer
I asked for you,
and you are there
Praise my God for my sweet sweet love
my baby sent from above
so....I's just wantin' you to know.
Kendra Loves Jason
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Seriously...how many times
So I've started this how many times now? Here I am again, square one. That's the epitomy of my life and everything in it....back to square one. Staring over again. This time, however, is crucial. I've got a family depending on me, I've got an income to start generating and I've got a goal and a dream. Not to mention my sanity. I want the world to hear me. I want it and everything in it to feel me. So I'm starting this free lance writing thing and needed a link to my own personal page to link myself to a personality...not just what readers read in my upcoming articles. Finally, my own little peice of the world. What have I been waiting for?
Oh yeah....life happened, and that kinda throws a little kink in things sometimes.
Oh yeah....life happened, and that kinda throws a little kink in things sometimes.
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