17 weeks down, 5 months to go.

I'm officially 17 weeks pregnant and my ever-growing belly seems to be expanding at an alarming rate...at least to me anyway. I had my 4 month dr. appt. and everything seems to be okay after my "scare." I think I'm starting to feel a little back to normal...accept for my brain. Good thing I have a 4 year old to remind me where we are going, where I left my purse and what day it is. My energy seems to be picking up but the headaches have become overwhelming and relentless. My nausea comes every once in awhile and that can be controlled with my Zofran, but I will still have a no-warning up-chuck or dry-heaving session. Let me tell ya, driving 70 mph down the highway is NOT the time to start throwing up. Pulling over on Kellogg to get out and throw up on the side of the road is quite embarrassing. I've just accepted the fact that I will be sick the whole pregnancy. There will be good days and bad days. For now it's just day by day. I change my clothes 14 times before going somewhere...it's hard to try and look cute and happy and when you don't feel that way, and it totally sucks to do everything in cotton pants and a sweatshirt. I don't want to be a frump; but for now, I really don't care. This too shall pass.

The flip side: In one more week we have our sonogram to find out if we are having a boy or girl. We are praying for a healthy baby. Girl or boy it doesn't matter; although I would love for Jason to have a boy because I don't think we will have anymore. Pushing 30, my body is telling me I better be done. If I had a full time job during this pregnancy I would have had to quit, no doubt.
Jason needs a boy for boy reasons. He has a very special relationship with River and there's nothing compared to the daddy-daughter relationship they have. They hold a special place in each other's hearts that can never tapped into. River like to fish, go on 4-wheeler rides and run outside the second he's heard coming down the road. She runs out the door and starts cheering "daddy, daddy, daddy," as he pulls up the drive and has her special duties she helps him with while he's unloading for the day. She gets to push the dump-bed buttons to dump the grass. She gets to play on the trailer while he's putting up the mowers. During this time she tells him all about her day and what it entailed. When the mowers and trailers are all taken care of for the night, they jump hills and go exploring on the 4-wheeler. She's just like her father, it can 40 degrees outside and neither one of them have jackets or coats. There's too much fun to have to stop and put a coat on, geez. Riv's other side is dress-up, Barbies, and pretend. Jason just can't connect with that, and I guess you can't expect a man with beaten, split, grease stained hands to understand why Barbie doesn't play war games. A boy could bring out that side of him...and I sure could use a break on Barbie's.

But a healthy baby is most important. Our friends had a baby 2 years ago with spina-bifida and it really hit home that it CAN happen to you. Whatever God's plan is will be fine with us because it's His plan.

Well, I'm off to watch the pre-school parade. I'll stand as the pregnant frump amongst the other mom's with their make-up, colored and trendy hair styles and designer name brand clothes and hold in my gags as best as possible. I'll show them one day, you just wait un-pregnant, beautiful other moms!