During the last few months I've really been struggling with confrontation. I've always been the type of person who doesn't want to put anyone on the spot or make them feel uncomfortable when they're wrong. I hate confronting someone even when I'm done wrong. It's so much easier to be walked on, talked down to and just "agree" even when it isn't right. I've always been a little reserved when it comes to telling people my true feelings and I've never stood up for myself when I need to. I'd rather just look down and go with the flow. However, at 28 years old it has been wearing on my badly. Several months ago I broke down in front of my counselor about things I couldn't take anymore. I'd been raised up by my parents in a way that taught me to always be respectful of other people's feelings and always have manners (thank you God). I took it to the extreme. Being the introvert I am, I went over board for so long on never wanting to disrespect, backtalk or confront anyone. My counselor (who is a wonderful Christian woman) told me that as long as I'm truthful and polite, there are ways to not let people walk on you, whether they intended to or not. Back to the whole "you can't have grace without truth, nor truth without grace" thing. So I started praying that God would give me courage to speak up at the right times, and I prayed diligently that when the times come that I feel a certain way or someone over steps their boundaries with me that I can truthfully and biblically stand up for myself. And let me tell ya, the tests have been rolling in. In more ways than I was prepared for. In the past, I would allow someone to do something or say something and think to myself "that wasn't right" or "that's not okay" or "they really just crossed the line" and then hold all those feelings inside and harbor them to the point where it turns into anger and hostility. I asked the Lord to help me and He's provided many ways for me to practice. I was NOT that ready. However, I don't have a choice now but to stand up to the plate. When someone is rude to me I will stand up and confront them. I'm proud of myself. The funny thing about all this is most people DO NOT take into account their own actions or words towards someone else. They say what they want about anything and anyone. They act how they want in any manner in any place and never once does it cross their mind that they may be out of line. They never think twice about questioning me, calling me out, trying to prove me wrong or say whatever they need to say to me whether it comes out rudely, bluntly, disrespectfully; but they sure don't like it when I do it in return. So, I will continue to try to be as open as everyone else, even if it hurts their feelings. They never cared about mine in the first place, right?
These days the world is so full of people walking around calling themselves christians, bible thumping, quoting bible verses, attending their bible studies, and since they don't cuss, drink or smoke they see themselves as perfect. People like this actually have said to me that they are "near perfect and always right." I guess they overlooked the part in the bible about being humble, love one another, don't mock other people, don't be arrogant, don't judge. I feel so awfully sorry for them.
I have been wronged (in a major way) by several different people the last few weeks, (and I'm not asking for a pity party, no "woe is me" here, and don't give me your sympathy, I'm a big girl) and I never judged them for what they did to me either. However, with my newfound boldness, I confronted them. Being the "christians" they are I guess subconsiencely (sp?) expected an apology. Struggling with the fact that, IF they came to me and apologized, then we'd have to "confront" the issue at hand...and that made me go back to the "afraid of confrontation" feeling. So I opened my bible and found LUKE 17 where it talks about forgiving someone...it says if someone sins against you 7 times in a day and 7 times come to you and says "I repent, forgive me" then you need to forgive them. And that was my answer. No matter what they "wronged" me with and no matter how many times they did it over and over again I have to forgive them. So I said "okay, Lord, I will forgive them."
The funniest part of this (and ironically enough, what I should have totally expected): THEY NEVER WERE SORRY OR APOLOGIZED. Nice, huh? But they'll be sure to be seen at church on Sunday.
It's too bad that people like that broadcast their christianity, it makes them look awfully pitiful to wordly people who don't truly know Christ. It may hinder the ability to lead them to Christ. No one is perfect. We can't be because we are HUMAN. But that's the point I'm trying to make. JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT GOD HIMSELF. HUMBLE THYSELF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments on this one please, this is my blog and this is what it's here for. If you have my e-mail, then e-mail me.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
skinnin' a cat part II
I finally got the picture I wanted uploaded. I wonder if this channel cat knew she'd be so famous. Again, my disclaimer: weak stomachs turn back now. Remember, I'm posting these pictures purely for shock value that even a pregnant woman knows how to take care of business.
Awww...look at that face. Almost a flathead.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
WEAK STOMACH'S TURN BACK NOW!!!!!!!!
DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!!!!!!!
Nae's post:
ALL FISH, ALL BELLY!!!
Look how thick that yummy fillet is!
And the finished product. (And this doesn't show the part she gave me. When a friend gives you a 1/4 fillet off her channel cat, you know she's a true friend!)
34 degrees, cold, rain the night before and two desperate mother's dying to get away makes for great fishin' trip. Janae (6 1/2 months pregnant) and I went fishin on Saturday. I was going to give all the details, however Janae already gave them in the most wonderful form so I dare not try to re-create it. It was cold, the Hickory river (1 mile from my house ) was flowing, and God's wonderful creation and beauty was all around us. As you will notice, there are no pictures of me.....because I didn't catch anything but a clutter of twigs. So, therefore I got no braggin' rights, OR picture rights! Just the rights to take the pictures! We went through a whole lot of turkey liver and the only thing caught was her channel cat. It was big enough for her to cut off a 1/4 of a fillet for me, which is enough to make a great meal for two! Thanks Janae! Here's Nae's post of her account of our weekend. My favorite part (other than Nae sporting her pregnant belly while holding her 2 ft long territorial channel cat) was her description of our drive and hike down to the river. I wouldn't have had my Saturday any other way! I'm totally bummed b/c I can't find my plug to get the pictures off of my camera to the computer, so here's the pics I got from on Janae's camera...and like it says above THOSE WITH WEAK STOMACH'S SHOULD TURN BACK NOW!!
Nae's biggest catfish caught on a pole on the Hickory River on March 15th:
Nae's post:
Sunday, March 16, 2008
skinnin a cat
Okay, Iʼm warning you!!!! It is solely at your discretion. Iʼm in no way forcing you to read this.Do Not Scroll down if you are inclined to the citified way of thinking and living. The images may be disturbing to some viewers....especially you Karen!!!! :-)Me and a friend went fishing yesterday. When I pulled up in her long drive it was noon and 37 degrees out. While we were eating our packed sandwiches the sun thankfully came out! It however, did not raise the temperature. To get to this particular fishing spot on Hickory creek itʼs a short drive across two pastures, through three gates, and through the wooded area that is alongside the creek. After scouting out the creek for about an 1/8th mile, we decided on a little rock bar that jutted out slightly into the creek. On the bankside of this rock bar a giant tree had fallen out across the bar and into the creek. With the tree to our backs we had a nice windbreak. The sun was strong enough that I am still feeling the heat all over my face. I definitely got some color and on March 15th! So this rock bar and fallen tree created a nice small oxbow of calm water. We could easily cast against the bank on our side of the creek into the oxbow or using a heavy weight we could cast on the other side of the creek below the bank. We were hoping to land our liver in front of a catfish den in the side of the bank! After about 15 minutes of our bait hitting the water both of our livers were stripped from our hooks. So we reeled in and baited up again. Plunking the liver back in the water, mine up against the bank on the north, only about 15 feet in front of me, and hers up against the far bank in another small area of backwater. Within a minute I had a tug. Then a couple more. My drag was messed up so it made it a little tricky to pull in a mad fightinʼ son of a catfish, but letting her play it out a little I pulled in to the shallowest part of the pool, grabbed my leader and hauled her onto the bank! She was a nice one for a small creek and a pole with a messed up drag! Actually, the biggest cat Iʼve caught on a pole. This is small when compared with the ones we catch on the trot and limb lines. But she works for me!Lest you think I have put on some weight....You are right! 23 lbs to be exact! Thatʼs what 6 1/2 months of pregnancy will do to ya!!And hereʼs a picture with the exact place she sealed her fate at in the background except it was a little to the left.Now, sheʼs not huge by any means but there is enough meat on her to have a good little fish fry. So, sorry for all you city slickers, animal rights activists and vegans, but you gotta eat to live! And I choose MEAT!! Thatʼs right, whether it comes from saltwater, fresh water, pature or tundra, I LOVE meat. My last and final warning is now! If you are faint at heart, canʼt stand the sight, smell, or feel of hamburger meat, or even if your dogʼs breath makes you wanna hurl you better turn back NOW!!! FAST!!!There are many many different methods of getting the meat to your freezer so those of you that know what is going on and havenʼt ran to the toilet, just keep your comments to yourself okay? Iʼm not asking for culinary advice!! Geesh! Donʼt get your panties in a bunch b/c I didnʼt use the right cut! Itʼll all turn out okay in the end!! And youʼll be callinʼ me up wantinʼ to know when you can come over for the fry! Yeah, you will, b/c I think this is the first river trip of the season.....and itʼs eatinʼ at all of us to get on the river!In order to get to the meat you have to take the skin off! A rope, filet knife and a pair of vise grips will do the trick. Oh, and clothes that you donʼt mind being splattered with blood b/c I wouldnʼt hang there without squirming if someone was skinnin me alive either!!!Then youʼve got to make your initial cut Carefully now soʼs not to empty her contents even more, you can remove the stomach and entrails. After that, I locate the back bone and start cuttin the meat off. Rinse the meat in cool clean water (or whatever you have) and fry it up or put in a freezer bag and save it for another time! Nothin you buy in the store is as good and tasty, antibiotic/growth hormone-free as this is!!!
skinnin a cat
Okay, Iʼm warning you!!!! It is solely at your discretion. Iʼm in no way forcing you to read this.Do Not Scroll down if you are inclined to the citified way of thinking and living. The images may be disturbing to some viewers....especially you Karen!!!! :-)Me and a friend went fishing yesterday. When I pulled up in her long drive it was noon and 37 degrees out. While we were eating our packed sandwiches the sun thankfully came out! It however, did not raise the temperature. To get to this particular fishing spot on Hickory creek itʼs a short drive across two pastures, through three gates, and through the wooded area that is alongside the creek. After scouting out the creek for about an 1/8th mile, we decided on a little rock bar that jutted out slightly into the creek. On the bankside of this rock bar a giant tree had fallen out across the bar and into the creek. With the tree to our backs we had a nice windbreak. The sun was strong enough that I am still feeling the heat all over my face. I definitely got some color and on March 15th! So this rock bar and fallen tree created a nice small oxbow of calm water. We could easily cast against the bank on our side of the creek into the oxbow or using a heavy weight we could cast on the other side of the creek below the bank. We were hoping to land our liver in front of a catfish den in the side of the bank! After about 15 minutes of our bait hitting the water both of our livers were stripped from our hooks. So we reeled in and baited up again. Plunking the liver back in the water, mine up against the bank on the north, only about 15 feet in front of me, and hers up against the far bank in another small area of backwater. Within a minute I had a tug. Then a couple more. My drag was messed up so it made it a little tricky to pull in a mad fightinʼ son of a catfish, but letting her play it out a little I pulled in to the shallowest part of the pool, grabbed my leader and hauled her onto the bank! She was a nice one for a small creek and a pole with a messed up drag! Actually, the biggest cat Iʼve caught on a pole. This is small when compared with the ones we catch on the trot and limb lines. But she works for me!Lest you think I have put on some weight....You are right! 23 lbs to be exact! Thatʼs what 6 1/2 months of pregnancy will do to ya!!And hereʼs a picture with the exact place she sealed her fate at in the background except it was a little to the left.Now, sheʼs not huge by any means but there is enough meat on her to have a good little fish fry. So, sorry for all you city slickers, animal rights activists and vegans, but you gotta eat to live! And I choose MEAT!! Thatʼs right, whether it comes from saltwater, fresh water, pature or tundra, I LOVE meat. My last and final warning is now! If you are faint at heart, canʼt stand the sight, smell, or feel of hamburger meat, or even if your dogʼs breath makes you wanna hurl you better turn back NOW!!! FAST!!!There are many many different methods of getting the meat to your freezer so those of you that know what is going on and havenʼt ran to the toilet, just keep your comments to yourself okay? Iʼm not asking for culinary advice!! Geesh! Donʼt get your panties in a bunch b/c I didnʼt use the right cut! Itʼll all turn out okay in the end!! And youʼll be callinʼ me up wantinʼ to know when you can come over for the fry! Yeah, you will, b/c I think this is the first river trip of the season.....and itʼs eatinʼ at all of us to get on the river!In order to get to the meat you have to take the skin off! A rope, filet knife and a pair of vise grips will do the trick. Oh, and clothes that you donʼt mind being splattered with blood b/c I wouldnʼt hang there without squirming if someone was skinnin me alive either!!!Then youʼve got to make your initial cut Carefully now soʼs not to empty her contents even more, you can remove the stomach and entrails. After that, I locate the back bone and start cuttin the meat off. Rinse the meat in cool clean water (or whatever you have) and fry it up or put in a freezer bag and save it for another time! Nothin you buy in the store is as good and tasty, antibiotic/growth hormone-free as this is!!!
ALL FISH, ALL BELLY!!! Look how thick that yummy fillet is!And the finished product. (And this doesn't show the part she gave me. When a friend gives you a 1/4 fillet off her channel cat, you know she's a true friend!)Monday, March 10, 2008
(so I took this pic in oklahoma in december, however it reflects my last 3 days....)And i love Jesus, because he loves me.
And I love my mommy and daddy too...
i listen to Jesus when i pray...
my mommy and daddy love me a lot lot lot lot
and she's my bestest freind in all the world.
and one day we'll go up to heaven and see Him...
This is the song my daughter made up as she went along with each line as we were driving home tonight. How sweet. There's a whole lot more about Jesus being in her heart and how much she loves everybody and everybody loves her, I just can't remember because her song (all improv) went on for like 20 minutes to the same tune. When I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror as we drove along she caught me watching her and she said "Hey! Don't watch me!" I told her that it was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard and she responded with "well, I'm not done yet!" (with her eyebrows frowning....she doesn't like to be caught in the act.) It's times like this I look back and thank God for letting me have parents who brought me up in the Bible. It's times like this I know God hears me at night when I pray that my daughter understands God's place in her life and Jesus' place in her heart. It's times like this that makes all the stressful days x'd out of life. I know there will be more irritable moments, stressful days and days where all we do is race the clock, but these innocent words from her innocent heart make it all okay.
It's also times like this when I know that since Christ's Love is instilled in her heart she'll always make it back to Him, even when she may be led astray. I'll continue to pray her innocent heart.
On another note...Lately, the Lord has been working on me and every day I can feel it so. I feel my heart churning, I feel a peace that He's been working on giving me for quite some time now. It's a yearning I can not explain, if you've had it you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't had it then I only hope that one day you will.
Content. Promised. Yet Poor!
Well, poor maybe by the world's ways!
Peaceful. Faithful, I Have everything I need!
(but not good enough for most people these days!
If I had a million dollars or even more,
I would still, every morning, walk out the same door,
Watching God's amazing plan unfold before my eyes,
He's watching me and what I do with His possessions, I've realized.
I watch Him provide what He wants for those who need.
I'm content and happy with what I have, because I can see what the rich don't need,
So my Heavenly Father, continue to show me the things I don't really need,
and continue to help me have the faith that you will provide those of which I do need.
I feel content, promised, peaceful, full of faith and uplifted.
If this is how it feels when you give, I'll give all I have.
If this is how it feels when you are given to, I'll keep giving all I have.
If this is how it feels when the world thinks you are poor, I'll still keep walking out the same door Just remember, those who look down on you are really the poor.
This weekend we went down the road and met some neighbors who have some land on the Hickory River. Good 'ole country family. they have 440 acres of the most beautiful land I've ever seen....Yup, here in Kansas. They took us for a walk over alot of it and down the river. We talked alot and they really are amzing people. They love their life, they love their family. Their house was a typical farmhouse, they had a couple barns, a stone wall, crop feild and some tractors. They had a couple overgrown farm-fed dogs who kept taking a dip in the pond while their grandson was casting his fishingpole. My 3 year old was dying to go fishing with him. We had my stepdaughter (8 yrs) with us and when we got to their driveway you could see their clothes hanging on the clothesline to dry out in back. She saw the clothes and said as loud as she could with a very sorrowful look (as if she felt really sorry for them) "They don't have a washer and dryer?!?" I quickly let her know that we don't broadcast that, and chances are they probably have one, they just chose to hang their clothes out to dry because it was a beautiful day. Their white house wasn't power-washed and they had mud on their vehicles. Their dogs were wet and shaggy and their porch swing creaked. They had a rock pathway to the porch that they'd probably laid themselves and they were surrounded with their son and his family that he'd adopted shortly after returning from Iraq. As we left their house that afternoon, I told them thank you for letting us walk around thier place and Mr. Winzer said "You need to thank God for today, not me." I can only pray that one day, I have their contentment and peace and thankfulness. Thank you Lord for a great weekend.
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